Once a week I sit in front of a therapist and talk about my week.
The first time I walked into the office I had the choice of sitting on a chair further away from him, or one closer to him. I took that as a test. I picked the one closest to him. I was the one that needed help, so better to start by bridging the gap and showing willingness.
I must say that along with the practice of yoga, having someone to talk to who is outside of my daily world has helped me tremendously in excavating and processing feelings that were buried beneath layers of sadness, trauma, frustration, and pain.
Interestingly, around the same time I lost my mom, my therapist lost his wife. Some days I walk into his office and I can see the unbearable pain in his eyes, probably in the same way he can probably see mine in my eyes.
Over the last couple of months he helped me to create an infrastructure, a series of rituals and parameters of behaviors to keep myself in check. It’s like when your car starts beeping because you are getting too close to a wall or to another car. Therapy does that for me. It gives me tools to manage myself, and to keep from going off the rails.
I am a work in progress. And I am a piece of work. I am too much to handle sometimes. Anyone who doesn't believe me can ask my husband. And yet I have changed so much in a short period of time. I feel that the punches life has thrown at me have been the best teachers. They are like the kitchen hammer that softens the steak.
When I first started therapy I could barely articulate my pain and emotions. Now I feel I'm gaining a more broad understanding and acceptance of the ebbs and flows of life.
Sometimes I don’t have any apparent reason to go and see him other than knowing that I should talk. I tend to keep things bottled up inside, not revealing much of what’s going on beneath the surface. And luckily for me, I also like to listen to his stories, his many decades of life experience. It helps me put my circumstances in perspective.
They say that once you are open to learning, the teacher shows up. I think he is one of those for me.
Coming from a yoga and meditation background I appreciate his open mindedness about eastern philosophies, and although most of his training is in western psychology and psychiatry his looks of compassion are nurturing and healing.
For anyone else out there struggling, ask for help. Look for outlets to talk and share your experiences. Making the effort to verbalize your struggles and difficult situations is the first step to working through them. Put aside your excuses about schedule, timing, money, etc., and just make an effort to talk.
There is nothing worse than the silence of not being able to express how we feel. There is nothing more damaging to ourselves that pretending that all is well when it’s not.
I look forward to my sessions every week. I get to hear someone else’s different point of view. I get to put my life in perspective. And many times I leave our sessions driving home with the feeling that I am getting better, clearer. And with the extraordinary knowledge that I am working on myself because I love and care about myself.
Adrian Molina has been teaching yoga continuously since 2004. He is a well-known and respected instructor in Miami and New York, with an extensive worldwide following through his platform and school of yoga, Warrior Flow. Adrian and his husband Dennis reside in Miami and frequently lead workshops and international retreats in NYC and around the world. Adrian is also a writer, massage therapist, Reiki healer, meditation teacher, sound therapist, and a Kriya yoga practitioner in the lineage of Paramahansa Yogananda. Adrian is recognized for the community-building work he does in Miami and beyond.